


land mines

by ndnickerson



Series: possession [1]
Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assault, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 08:14:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2725259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While investigating a stalking case, Nancy discovers her prime suspect's crimes go much deeper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	land mines

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from otpsituations on tumblr: Muse B was in an abusive relationship with Muse C before they got together with Muse A.  Muse A is gentle and caring, and would never hurt Muse B, but B still feels very tense around them.  They constantly fret over how they do everything around the house, and how they make love, as they did with C in an effort to keep them from getting angry.  A knows the reason behind their efforts, and makes sure to comfort and reassure B in these moments, hoping B will start to feel comfortable and safe.

"Just tell me what you want."

What drives Nancy crazy is that Ned doesn’t understand—and that she can’t.

Ned was dating Meghan when Nancy was asked to find out who had keyed Denise Mason’s car; the campus police didn’t have any security cameras in the lot where it had happened, and Denise was at a loss. So between classes Nancy hung out with Denise, retraced steps, tried to figure out who might dislike her enough or be angry enough to do something like that to her.

Then another cheerleader’s car was keyed.

Then the head cheerleader, Suzanne, received a note telling her that if she didn’t keep her eyes and hands to herself and off other people’s property, she’d regret it. Nancy managed to thwart the attempt Meghan made on Suzanne the next day; Meghan was carrying a knife, and she intercepted Suzanne when she was walking up to her sorority house. Her attack was brutal, vicious, but thanks to Nancy’s intervention, Suzanne received only a scratch on the arm.

"Do you have any idea what she was talking about?" Nancy asked Suzanne, once the police had come to collect Meghan; the girl had collapsed into a hysterical heap, shouting profanity and threats one minute, wrestling Nancy for the knife and swearing she would kill herself the next. The attack was one of the most frightening Nancy had ever witnessed, but she still hadn’t determined with total certainty whether the attacks on the cheerleaders had been related or not.

Suzanne didn’t know. “Her boyfriend might, though. Ned Nickerson? I think they’re dating. He’s not out that much.”

Remembering that day makes Nancy feel sick to her stomach. Once she had tracked down which dorm he lived in and knocked on his door, Ned had cracked the door open, his head down.

"Hello?"

"Are you Ned Nickerson?"

He had nodded, his head still down.

"Are you dating Meghan Reynolds?"

She caught the tensing in his shoulders, so quick she almost missed it. “Yes.”

Ned had made the football team, and that had incited Meghan’s viciously jealous streak. Ned hadn’t known; he had thought that she had turned all her rage on him, all her anger and threats. He had been on the verge of quitting the team to calm her down when Meghan was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and attempted murder. It took Nancy and four of Ned’s friends to coerce Ned into staying on the team and filing the restraining order.

But that was easy, compared to reversing any of the damage their two-year relationship had done to him. The bruises healed, but Nancy saw the scars on his arms and legs and chest; she saw the way he flinched away from loud voices, the way he always acted to defuse anger. The only time he showed passion or untempered emotion was on the football field; that was his only outlet from the hell that Meghan had put him through.

Meghan’s training had been thorough. She read his text messages and emails; when he had had to change his email password after an attempted hack, Meghan had accused him of cheating and threatened to kill herself.

And Ned didn’t tell Nancy that at first; it took months before he was comfortable enough with her to tell her _that_ story. There were stories behind other scars, Nancy was sure—but Meghan had told Ned over and over that she loved him, that she never wanted to hurt him, sometimes she just lost her temper, and no one else could or would ever love him, not the way she did.

Nancy hoped she was right, because what Meghan did to him wasn’t love at all.

Ned’s friends told Nancy she was a good influence on him, and so they arranged “outings” so they could be around each other. Meghan had conditioned Ned to reject any offer that could mean time spent alone with other women; when Meghan found out two girls were in his biology study group, that had resulted in another set of scars. And even though Meghan had been expelled and banned from setting foot on Emerson’s campus again, Ned still acted like he was under her thumb, like she was just gone for a few days and any infraction would be punished triplefold.

And then, slowly, as they prepared for Meghan’s trial, Nancy fell for Ned, and he for her. But the only love he had known was Meghan’s, and once Ned and Nancy began dating, she realized incredulously that he thought she would be the same way. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. Meghan had apparently seemed normal at first, too.

The first time Ned asked if he could make dinner for Nancy, she didn’t think anything of it; she suggested grilled chicken and salad, something easy. When she was let out of her lab ten minutes early, she went back to his dorm with her bagged salad and a bottle of dressing, happy at the prospect of sharing a meal with him alone.

She found him in the small kitchen on that floor of his dorm. The room was full of smoke, and the chicken had been charred beyond recognition. When Ned saw her, he visibly flinched; she saw fear in his face.

"I’m sorry—I’m so sorry—" He released his clenched fist and dropped to his knees at her feet.

Because that was what Meghan had taught him to do.

Nancy put her bags down and dropped to her knees too, moving so she could look into his face. “Ned, it’s all right,” she told him, cupping his cheeks and willing him to open his eyes as he braced himself for the blows she realized Meghan would have delivered. “It’s all right, I promise. We can order pizza. It’s not a big deal.”

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. A part of her wished that his face would light up in a teasing smile then, but he still looked wary. “I’m sorry. She—I’m on a really strict diet.”

Not _was_. “For football?”

Ned shook his head. “She wanted me to be fit. I don’t eat that much. Not chicken. Vegetables and a little fruit. No soda or anything.”

"Ned, you have to eat more than that. The calories you spend at practice and on the field—"

His jaw tightened and he looked down.

Nancy closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath. “I have salad and dressing,” she told him. “I’m going to order two pizzas, okay? A veggie pizza, and a pizza with everything. Sausage, mushrooms, pepperoni, everything. And if you want to eat a salad or if you want to eat some pizza, either one, both—I want you to have dinner with me and it would be really great if you’d eat some pizza with me.”

She felt him swallow, and in the acrid, smoky kitchen, on their knees on the aged linoleum, her heart broke for him. For not the first time, she wondered about the extent of Meghan’s “lessons,” how much Ned wanted that she had denied him. How much he had stopped wanting.

He murmured something, and Nancy tilted her head. “What?”

"Olives?"

She craned her neck so she could see into his downturned face. “Do you want olives?”

He didn’t reply, and she studied him. “I’ve never really liked them myself,” she volunteered.

Then his face relaxed a little, and she stroked his cheek with her thumb. “So no olives, then,” she murmured, and the expression in his eyes was grateful. “And I’ll order that big, gooey brownie for dessert, the one on all the commercials? I think that sounds really good. If you want, I’d love for you to split it with me.”

Nancy began to see what Meghan had done to him as land mines. She didn’t know where they were, but she had to be careful, because even innocent expressions and gestures and activities could make him seem to fold in on himself. He often looked at her for cues, flinching when he thought she might be displeased or upset. He did everything he could to make sure she wouldn’t be angry or upset with him.

And then there were moments, few at first, but gradually more—when she saw who he had been. She discovered that he hated olives and loved chocolate, and that Meghan had absolutely forbidden him to have chocolate, to eat junk food, to drink; the rules were endless. Whenever Nancy saw him after that, she always had a bag of M&Ms or other candy that she told him she couldn’t finish and wanted his help with eating. Meghan had gone running with him every morning, and Ned kept that up, so Nancy rose early and accompanied him, but he pushed himself so hard that she told him she couldn’t run that fast, and asked him to accompany her at a jogging speed, and began to gently tease and joke with him during their runs until he loosened up a little.

Meghan had constantly criticized the men around them, pointing out love handles and overdeveloped muscles and crude behavior; Ned had learned to stay quiet, to keep track of his limited diet even when they were apart. When they were in public Meghan accused him of looking at other women and berated or punished him accordingly, and so Ned had learned to prefer eating at the dorm. Sometimes Nancy felt so sick, so angry and frustrated, seeing what Meghan had done; sometimes she didn’t know what to do or say, how to help him. But when he sensed that Nancy was upset with him, Ned closed down, and so Nancy learned to make it clear. “It’s _her_ ,” she told him. “It’s not you, Ned, not at all. I just hate that she’s still making you feel this way.”

And some nights they’re sitting on her bed, their hands joined and watching TV, and she asks him questions until he opens up: about his childhood, about what he enjoys, about what he wants to do. He loves to listen to _her_ stories, and one of the first activities they ever did was work together on a case. She loves when he’s able to work with her, and he’s so eager to please her that she has to make sure he doesn’t neglect other responsibilities to hang out with her. Meghan considered everything secondary to their relationship and her desires; Nancy has to ask him if he has any homework to do or any practice sessions to attend before she asks him to help her. Those nights they have between, once he’s relaxed and seems genuinely happy, the light she sees in his eyes makes her heart so light in return. Meghan was always jealous of Ned spending time with other women, and when Nancy sees that light in his eyes, he’s the most attractive man she’s ever seen.

One of those nights is the first kiss they share, slow and sweet, with Nancy’s hand cupping his jaw. He’s following her lead, though, and suddenly he is buried inside himself again and she’s on top of a land mine.

"Just tell me what you want."

But Meghan punished any desire that wasn’t her own, and the foods he prefers, the joy he finds in football, those are minor compared to the way he freezes and waits for Nancy’s instruction when it comes to intimacy.

During the next school break, after they’re officially a couple and Meghan has been out of Ned’s life for three months, Nancy’s roommate is back home for the break and so Nancy invites Ned to dinner. She asks him to dress up and he does; he’s filled out some, his cheeks are no longer quite so hollow, and when she sees him in his suit, clean-shaven and handsome, she lights up with a happy grin, and he does too.

"You look so beautiful, Nancy."

"And you look so handsome," she tells him, squeezing his hand. "I’m so proud of you. To be here with you."

He’s looking around more, she’s glad to see; he made so little eye contact when they first met. And she’s not sure if Meghan allowed him to have a night all to himself, all _for_ himself, once they had started dating. Nancy picked the restaurant because he mentioned it in passing a week earlier; she selected her outfit because she knows he likes blue, and the dress brings out the color of her eyes.

After their dinner she asks him back to her dorm room; they sit on the futon and watch a movie, until she can’t resist it anymore. She sits up on her knees so their faces are almost level and cups his cheeks, searching his eyes.

"Tell me what you need," she whispers. "Please. Ned, I want to be with you, I do… but I need _you_. Please.”

And she sees it, the fear behind his eyes, and she’s on a land mine again. Did Meghan insist on Ned satisfying only her own desires, or did she use intimacy as another way to punish him? Nancy can’t imagine how she would feel if a man maliciously hurt her during sex, or if all she had ever learned was to satisfy someone else instead of feeling pleasure herself.

When he doesn’t respond she gives him a small, sad smile and settles down with him again, leaning against him. She can feel that he’s tense, but she’s afraid that whatever she might say will make it worse.

After a moment he says quietly, “I’ve upset you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

She turns to him with tears rising in her eyes. “Shh. Ned, it’s all right. Shh.” She cups his face again, and when she moves into his lap, drawing his head down to her shoulder, he wraps his arms around her.

"I’m sorry."

"Shh," she whispers. "I’m not upset with you. I’m not. But I want to make you happy, and the only way I’ll know that is if you tell me."

"And that will please you?"

She nods. “If you… if you don’t want to be with me that way, that’s okay. I mean it. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or upset. I don’t want this unless you do too.”

That night she invites him to stay with her but she’s afraid to do anything more, afraid of upsetting him. He agrees but she sees the wariness in his eyes and doesn’t know if it’s because he wants to, or because he’s afraid of disappointing or upsetting her. She dresses in a long-sleeved shirt and shorts, and when he joins her in bed she holds him, stroking his back, her face against his chest. “It’s all right,” she whispers. “It’s all right.”

He invites her to his parents’ house for Christmas, when they’re home on break, and his parents are so relieved to see him—and to see him looking so well. His mother hugs Nancy for a long time, telling her how grateful they are that Ned met her, that he isn’t with Meghan anymore. “Thank you,” she whispers, and she knows that all the damage isn’t undone, but it’s worth it, all these land mines she’s slowly learning to defuse.

In the spring, Ned’s buddies invite him to their fraternity house for a party, and he brings Nancy along. Ned’s quiet and watchful, and he stays close to her, always near her. She makes sure that she talks to Ned as long as she talks to any of the other guests, because when she chats with other people he seems to withdraw into himself, wilting outside the sunshine of her attention. Then they sample the punch, liberally spiked with rum, and when she finishes her first cupful, she feels great, giggly and buzzed but not drunk.

They’re both feeling happy and relaxed, their hands joined, as they walk together back to his dorm room, since it’s closer and he has his own room. When they sleep together, all they do is sleep; she’s decided that it’s up to him to take the next step, when he’s ready.

Then his door closes behind them and he takes her into his arms and she looks up at his face, feeling tentative hope that maybe he’s relaxed enough to be with her. He brushes his lips against hers and when she parts her lips, he kisses her, slow and thorough and sweet.

"Let me make you happy," he whispers, and gazes into her eyes as he traces the line of her waist and hips with his cupped palms, and she’s felt far more intimate caresses, but she shivers as she looks into his eyes. Then she takes a breath, reaching for the zipper of her gown, letting it fall to her feet.

She guides his hands; she moves onto his bed, letting out a sigh as he slips her panties down and moves between her legs, and she’s naked and he isn’t, not quite. He kisses her, strokes and caresses her, nuzzling his way down her body, until he parts her legs wide and licks her clit.

And she shudders, giving herself over to it, to how incredible it feels when he goes down on her. He licks and nips and suckles against her sensitive flesh until she’s shaking with the force of her orgasm, spent and breathless and panting under him as he pulls back. “Good?” he murmurs.

"Oh my God," she moans, and reaches for him. "Oh, Ned…"

She holds him until she’s recovered, her body pressed tight to his. Then she kisses him and he makes a soft sound.

"I—I can brush my teeth—"

She shakes her head. “Not unless you want to,” she whispers. “You taste like me. I think that’s sexy.”

When she urges him to, he rolls on top of her, sliding his tongue into her mouth, and she’s glowing with sweat, arching under him to wrap her legs around him. “Please,” she whimpers when he breaks the kiss. “Please, come inside me…”

She moans in arousal and desire when he moves over her to slip his underwear off, when he leans down to kiss her again. She touches his erection and he flinches against their kiss, and she gently strokes him. “You feel so good,” she pants when he breaks the kiss. “Oh, Ned, I love you so much. Please…”

"I love you," he whispers. "You—condom?"

She gazes into his anxious eyes. “Only if you want to,” she whispers, and strokes him again. “I’m on the pill, and I want to feel you inside me…”

"And—come?"

She nods, drawing him down to her again, gently guiding him toward her.

And she shudders, crying out against their kiss when he first begins to move inside her, and he nuzzles against her cheek as he slides deep between her thighs. They kiss and stroke each other as they stay that way, as she grows accustomed to the feel of him inside her.

"Okay," she whispers, and her inner flesh clenches around him as he brushes his fingertip against her clit. "Oh…"

That anxiety is still in his eyes, but when she responds to him eagerly, moving to meet his thrusts, he begins to relax. She moans, gripping his back without digging her fingernails in, murmuring her pleasure and encouragement as he moves inside her.

When he’s about to come, she feels it, feels him tensing and can sense what he isn’t saying. He wasn’t allowed to do this; he wasn’t allowed to go this far. She wraps her legs around him, drawing him to her, holding him.

"Yes," she moans. "Please, Ned, please…"

And he rubs against her clit until she’s sobbing, and she tenses as he moves deep inside her again and releases a hoarse cry. She sighs, closing her eyes as he sighs too, as he lowers himself to her.

It’s not done; maybe it never will be. But she hopes with all her heart that the worst of it is over, that tonight is just the beginning. She runs her fingers through his hair and feels him nuzzle against her cheek, her body wrapped around his, still joined to him.

Because no matter what, he is what she needs, now and forever.


End file.
